Christmas Presents

Merry Christmas, Dear Jesus

I bring to you gold...
I Peter 1:7

I listen with an open heart
Finding faith the place to start
Confident in Your forgiving Love
I set my affection on things Above

I bring to you Frankincense...
 Psalm 141:2a Heb. 6:12 and 19

I admit I'm poor and weak
Your Way and Will is all I seek
Watching and prayer within the veil
Hope claims promises that never fail

I bring to You Myrrh
John 19:39-41

Just as you have died for me
"I" die so others Jesus will see
Laying aside all selfish pride
May Your Image on me abide

                      * * * * *

Dear Jesus, You bring Yourself
Is. 63:9

My gifts are only trifling things
Compared to you and what you bring
Glory and Honour, Strength and Gladness
Forever Friends in Your beautiful Palace

For I have only given what I have received...

 Your way fuels my faith
   Your truth grounds my hope
       Your life grows my love

Casting these Crowns before Your Throne
I rejoice in Your Presence

Manger Hay

If I had a part in the Christmas story,
     I would want to be the manger hay

Not a big or splashy job like the angels or the star
Not with fancy formal gifts like wise men from afar
I wouldn't be the shepherds or the camels or the sheep
And not the town of Bethlehem, awake, but sound asleep

Just simple manger hay

Serving Baby Jesus by feeding all His lambs
Learning how to watch the movement of His hands
My only tasks--to rest beneath and lift up God's dear Son
Until the blinded world will see the work that He has done

**************

Matt. 1:21
And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS: for he shall save his people from their sins.

John 3:15-18

Luke 19:10

The Parable of the Blessings

At the Master's House I searched for blessings
A Stately Home with garden settings
Boldly I entered the tiny white gate,
Marched to the door-it was all so ornate!

I knocked...and waited...then knocked again...

My heart jumped to thoughts unkind--
He sent an invitation--did He change His mind?
I have knocked and waited--isn't He there?
And worse!--What if He doesn't care?

But then the Master opened the door

Wounded hands and thorn scarred face
Caused all my doubts and fears erase
With quiet voice His question would be:
"What wilt thou that I shall do unto thee?"

"Please, Sir, that Thou wouldst bless me indeed!"

"Dear Child, this would give me pure delight
But will you walk by faith--not sight?
Will you listen to all I suggest--
Letting Me lead you to quiet and rest?"

Shrinking from the heavy cost--knowing without Him all is lost!

My selfishness whined in prideful pain
A new King had come within to reign
"My sinful heart I thought I knew
But, Dear Jesus, I offer it to You."

"If you then are quite agreed, deny yourself and follow Me!"

We walked through His house--my heart filled with greed
The peace in this place would comfort my needs
Yet He did not stop here to grant my request
 But went to His garden--there I was impressed!

It was a beautiful, wide open space covered over with Amazing Grace!

 Rose bushes held a Heavenly scent
Benches to perch on when feeling spent
Blades of emerald tickled my feet
I dearly loved this peaceful retreat!

Blessings galore and still there were more!

 A fountain full to quench my thirst,
Vegetables to eat when hunger is worst
Trees filled with fruit and musical birds
The Saviour's kind and gentle words:

"As the Father hath loved me, so have I lived you..."

Coming to the Garden's edge
A woodpile with a common sledge
"Hold out your arms to receive the load"
He commands--but my brain explodes!

Didn't the Master remember I had asked for blessings?

Piling on poverty, pain and grief
Hunger and thirst with no relief
 Bearing weakness, suffering shame
 All because of His Dear Name

 With burden of wood I start to weep--this is not what I came for to seek!

The Master kindly looks at me
"One request I have for thee--
Take these sticks on down the way
A Person will direct the place they lay"

Pity parties are never fun. Turning away, mine had begun.

 Days turn to weeks and weeks to months
The "Armload of Blessings" an impossible task
My sore feet stumbled to the Master's House
On bent knees I stooped to ask:

"Sir, I asked for blessings-why do you have me carry these sticks?"

 Seeing me in deep distress
He hastened to His love express
"This weight was not for you alone
Please take it to the Person shown."

"Your answer will be clear as day if you trust Me and obey!"

I turned at once to do His bidding
 Leaning not to my own picking
As I took true faith's next step
All His promises were kept!

God's Own Spirit came to show me how and where to lay my load!

          And He keeps the Garden

Matt. 5:3-16.  Luke 11:5-13
The hymn "In the Garden"
A poem about the Christian Walk

The Eye of the Beholder

To my Grandpa

You stood behind me watching

As I sat playing your upright piano

I cringed inside with each sour note

Feeling the glare of your disapproval

But my feelings were not truthful!

You really stood behind me smiling

Listening to the song of my youthful heart

Willing to guide my growth and depth

Enjoying the time around the music

* * * * *

Dear Sweet Jesus

You, too, stand watching me

Nothing I do is hid from Thee

My sin and guilt set my face aflame

My feelings cry out in deepest shame

Then You whisper my name!

Child, sing the song of Victory!

 My Cross and Blood have made you free!

You are so precious in my sight!

Your contrite heart is My Delight!

Ps. 51:17 and Isa. 57:15

Jacob's Crown

I carried the blackness alone
Solitude is peaceful
Unless you hate yourself
Then it is lonely.

But I was not left that way

The Man of Sorrows approached
And we soon commenced to fight
We grappled--I with all my might
Until He touched the hollow of my thigh

Sharp the bittersweet pain!

And now I remember--
A ladder stretched from Earth to sky
A promise giv'n from God on High
"I am with thee, and will keep thee."

But was I willing to be for Him?

"Let me go, for the day breaketh"
I held Him fast and made my choice
 My father's God was now my own
"I will not let thee go--
                       Except thou bless me."

Seeking from Him what I could not earn

Each battle leaves different wounds
And some of them heal over time
A prince with God was born--
    But I walk with a limp

My Personal Journey Through Depression

(This is my spiritual diary--not a diagnostic tool. If you are suffering from depression, your story is different than mine. Please remember Jesus loves you no matter how far down in the miry pit you have fallen.)

PS. 31:10
"For my life is spent with grief, and my years with sighing:  my strength faileth because of mine iniquity, and my bones are consumed."

   Although I trusted Christ as Saviour at the tender age of 5, ( see the post "My Story") depression has been more or less present since I was a teenager. It manifested itself in many ways: paranoia over disease,  excessive fear, and a dependence on the approval of others were just a few. Mostly I was able to ignore the symptoms--I didn't even realize there was a name for this experience--but at night my mind would run away with me.

   I was an active church member--I wanted to serve God and others. I taught Sunday school, played the piano and organ, sang in the choir, and whatever else needed done. Notice all of the "I's" in this paragraph. My performance at church was necessary for others to approve of me. The Scripture in
 II Tim. 2:15 was forgotten:
"Study to show thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth."

As I aged it was harder to ignore the markers of depression. It was no longer just the night season but also during the day-sometimes for days, weeks, and months at a time. I blamed it on all sorts of things: "baby blues", under-active thyroid, seasonal affective disorder, and others. Thoughts of worthlessness were common. My bedroom became a sanctuary--I could go to sleep and forget-until I awoke. I was still with me and we were spiraling down into a deep dark place.

   Even though all of this was happening on the inside, I was still attending a Bible- believing church. this was probably one of the biggest things that kept me sane during this confusing season. God was still reaching for my heart even though I had trampled all over His. sermon by sermon, the message of His Great Love was teaching me; however, I, too full of my own thoughts, did not understand and claim God's promises for myself.

   Then I hit bottom.

   The "Good Christian" scorned the song "In the Garden". The woman who had accepted Christ's love and sacrifice on the cross confessed that she was not even sure God loved her anymore. She was so full of herself that she walked out of her house, barefoot--and left her family thinking they were better off that way. I truly wanted to walk out of life at that moment; instead, I sat on the side of our dirt road and prayed a prayer similar to this:

PS. 38:6, 8, 15, 21-23

   "For I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly, I go mourning all the day long...I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart...For in thee, O LORD, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God...Forsake me not, O LORD: O my God, be not far from me . Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation."

   I got up and walked back home.

   My depression did not vanish in instant. Just as we see in the parable of the prodigal son, it is quite a journey to recovery. Notice that the prodigal was already a son--he had left the safety and companionship of His Father's house. Growing in our Christian walk takes a constant reliance on God's Word and work in the life. God slowly and surely led me back to Himself. Bitterness over past failures and perceived hurts needed to be released. Forgiveness was a choice consciously made and remade.

   The ultimate turning point was found in a sermon--Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Jesus. One sermon, two preachers on different weeks  neither knew the other, but God knew me.

   Mark 8:34b

"...Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me."

   My life could never again be my own--it had to be all God's. My hurt, my worthless efforts, and my emotions were controlling me. The rescue Christ brought was Himself. His acceptance , His sacrifice for sin, and His Truth about everything fills my heart so that He controls me.

   Several verses express these truths:

PS 28:7

  "The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth, and with my song will I praise him."

 II Cor. 12:9

   "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

PS. 31:7and II Cor. 3:5

   Depression could overwhelm me even now; however, this weakness compels me to rely on Christ--His way and will--not mine. Jesus is my strength and greatest joy.

In Your Shadow

Draw me close, Spirit
Ps. 57:1; Ps. 17:8

I hide in the shadow of your wings
Your sweet Words healing my heart
Promises made, promises kept
Faith's Awakening

 Draw me closer still, Father
Ro. 15:13; Ex. 33:18-23

I wait in the shadow of the great Rock
You cover my face with Your gentle hand
Amazing Grace and Infinite Glory pass before me
Hope's Vision

Even closer yet, Jesus
Phil. 3:10; Matt. 9:36-38

I pray  in the shadow of the Olive trees
"May I know the fellowship of your suffering"
Then my fingertips brush the hem of Your robe
Charity's Joy